They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm like, not good at living.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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