Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Holy sore nipples Batman
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
