mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
