you guys were way drunker than both of me
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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