Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
