He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
