hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
