I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
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I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
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The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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