I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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