I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
