I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
