I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
