WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
