My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Go christen that room with your naked body.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room