Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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