I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
