i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
