Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
