my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
