sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have demons in me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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