24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i came on her dog
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
