I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
im holly from the hills drunk
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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