I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
