Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
