Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
