It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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