I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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