No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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