I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
