i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
