____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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