He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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