and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I still have a little drunk in my system
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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