I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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