haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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