I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
