I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
