Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I currently don't understand fingers.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
