Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize