im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
