My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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