I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
