she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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