u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
