his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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