your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
