I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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