Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
