Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
