i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the day after is always just damage control
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He passed out mid-signature
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
