matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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