The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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