Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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