i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
