I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
