oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
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please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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