She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
