He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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