he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
