Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
