I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
