Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
