need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
