I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
