when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
