I can tuck mytits in my pants
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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