he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
