one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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