guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
