New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
